Grace in Depravation
I find it so ironic that after much work and even sharing all the things we discovered to get Olive to sleep that worked for a few weeks she still isn't sleeping through the night regularly (aka sleeping 5-6 hours straight). While I don't think it is something we are doing wrong (which is huge for me to say because I feel like everything is always my fault in parenting) I do think it is because of a million different things and they honestly change from day to day. But anyway, this post isn't about Olive not sleeping but rather the grace that God has so graciously show us in the midst of this extreme deprivation.
My husband, is such an amazing man, he does help me at night and while he goes to a full time job and helps me the moment he walks in the door he too is beyond exhausted. Unlike me he doesn't get the opportunity to lay down for even just 20 minutes during a nap time, yet he still keeps going and functioning fairly well. That is God's grace to us.
Me on the other hand, I have NEVER done well off little sleep. I do have dyslexia to a small degree and it always is worse on days I do not sleep. Also, I have the worlds worst memory, like seriously. Its a real problem. But God has gifted me with the mind of organization. So I have a calendar that is my personal secretary and well if it were to crap out on me I would be lost. Also Wunderlist (an app for desktop and devices) has been my other life saver in keeping everything straight in my many to-do list running a home, caring for a child, and running a business.
While I am the first to admit sleep really has affect me I feel like I need to publicly apologize to all of my amazing clients this year because my work has really suffered from my lack of sleep. While most people would just get yelled at by a boss I have the amazing blessing of having such understanding clients who kindly email me reminding me they still haven't received their digital photos from their wedding almost 6 months ago.
I greatly have seen the grace of God in every wedding I photographed this year. It seemed the night before each of the weddings was a night my sweet girl only slept 4 hours...and most of the time it was 1-2 hours at a time...Yet, I was still able to keep going for the long hours of wedding days and also keep my mind in the hyper-function mode your mind needs to be in as a wedding photographer.
Every night I pray my daughter would sleep, but every night she doesn't I find myself still going. While I could get angry with God for not answering my prayers how I wanted them answered I am thankful He has given me eyes to see His grace is sufficient for today and that in my sleeplessness I haven seen more of Him in everything.
I still will pray Olive will sleep, and I will probably still get frustrated some nights but I know God hears us and will provide what we need for the day.
"Come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30